Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
