I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
