So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
