If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
