If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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