i permit you to call me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
All the doctor said was why
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
