Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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