You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize