Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
