Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
