So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
