Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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