i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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