I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
