i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
one might say we're banned from that church
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
