I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
