you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
