if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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