If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i love accidental penises.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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