I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
