the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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