If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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