apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
