Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
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I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time