I think my vagina is haunted
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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