Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.