I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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