did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.