when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
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You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
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Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.