I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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