Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
