Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
