You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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