Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
