I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
