where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
