How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
