They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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