To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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