Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
