You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
