I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
