Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Shame - the story of my life.
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