im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
