if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Boobs are out for the taking
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
