if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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