i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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