does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
