New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We need to get me chipped asap
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