your parents love me but you hate me
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
