There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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