My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
