By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
