I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
this will be a night to untag.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
