the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize