life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I want to stick my p in your. b.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
