i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
