I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
