Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
