There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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