your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
