Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
