the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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