Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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