wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
