He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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