Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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