Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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