My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
