toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
