guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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