I wish I could punch you in the face.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
