oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
